Living Wicked

The Sweetest Gift

“We are all going to die at some point, Xavier.”

A random conversation about Cancer and death happened in my kitchen the other night with my 11 year old. He looked at me, silently for a second, processed what I said, and replied “Yeah, you are right.”

One thing that I love about my relationship with my son is that I can say things like that to him and he understands my intent. My point behind it was not to scare him. In fact it was to do the exact opposite: take his fear of dying away, because we cannot control it.

When it is our time to go to where ever it is we go after we die is completely out of our grasp.

For as long as I can remember up until recently – (the past couple of years) – my biggest fears were spiders(still terrified), talking in front of people (working on it) and dying. Or death in general, really. Not many people in my life, thankfully, have passed away. I was blessed to have relationships with all of my grandparents. They were hands down 3 of the most important relationships of my entire life, and I am thankful for each of their influences on who I am today.

Back in August, a family friend lost her daughter tragically. I never met her, but her passing hit home on a ridiculously deep level. As a mother, the thought of losing my child ever … but especially as young as my friend’s daughter was taken from her … was unimaginable to me. I sobbed, thought, prayed, and looked for ways to preserve my kids’ lives and protect them from all of the hurt in the world differently than I had before.

Watching how much this 9 year old child has effected so many people all over the world over the past 3 months has attributed to my evolving thought process about life. Tremendously.

Selfishly, we become sad or angry when a person is ripped from our lives unexpectedly, and that is okay. But, they served their purpose here and are needed elsewhere for bigger, more important reasons.

We are all gifts, you know. I never realized that until Rachel.

To cry and miss the person who is gone is appropriate, because you physically will never have that opportunity to wrap your arms around them. Just because they are physically gone, doesn’t mean that they aren’t with you still.

I still talk to my Papa. Daily sometimes.

In a perfect world, I would wrap you all up in my love and we would never have to say goodbye. Since that is not possible, I think it would be best to find our purpose and serve it while we are still here … and enjoy all of the gifts we are surrounded by, rather than being terrified for the day when they are gone.

And that is what I told my son as I wrapped my arms around him tightly.

Click to watch The Sweetest Gift.

What do you think your gift is?
If you don’t know, what would you want it to be?

08. November 2011 by LivingWicked
Categories: Parenting, Thoughts and Perceptions | 6 comments